i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Randomize
