Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
