I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ttyl tear gas
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
