Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
