I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
