I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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