Whoa Z and x make the same sound
worst night to have a conscience
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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