Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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