i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize