wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
