Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
