Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
