dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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