Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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