I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
