I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
