ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
