I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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