i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
