Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize