My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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