Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
