Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
