I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
