whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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