I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
