is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize