he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
