no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
