She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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