god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
