I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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