You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
