Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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