garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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