Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
