he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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