I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize