He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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