Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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