I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
