if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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