I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
