that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
