I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
