im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize