Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
