I'm sorry my penis didn't work
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
