So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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