If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
