apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize