The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She's JV to your varsity
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
