I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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