yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
