When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
