Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
birth control should be required to get into college
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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