Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
