My underwear smells like fireworks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The air taste purple.
Randomize
