I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
