people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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