I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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