Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I fill condoms, not promises.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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