T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
