Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
