Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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