I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
