bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
