When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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