Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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