He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
